kiss_it_better

[The chickens came at a good time because he had a split second of concern when he realized that what Gu Yun probably wanted help with probably involved repairing these rifts. That left the question: was the proposal also related to the rifts?

But in the next second, that concern was dismissed. Gu Yun said a lot of nonsense and teased a lot but when it came to things like this, he wouldn't be anything but serious.

Whether the rifts had anything to do with the timing or not, the words and the proposal were most certainly sincere.

He smiled and knew, as if it were something he did everyday that the reason for the sudden noise was because the chickens needed to be fed.]

They haven't eaten yet.

[Whether the chickens in this rift were real or not, Chang Geng didn't intend to leave them to starve. So he headed over to where the chicken feed was kept.]

How are these rifts repaired?

[ One of the chickens—black with a fancy ruff of white feathers around its neck—runs up to Gu Yun with its wings flapping. It makes a low clucking noise, baaak baaaaaak. Instinctively knowing it wants to be picked up, he crouches down and lifts the bird, cradling it in his arms.

Idly he strokes its soft feathers. Most animals can't stand his itchy fingers, but this one doesn't seem to mind it, seeking his attention out in fact.

Chuckling helplessly, he looks up at Chang Geng. ]

With chroma.

[ A beat. His chicken, seeing that it's feeding time, struggles out of his arms, flapping to the ground and running over to join the rest of the flock. Gu Yun exhales. ]

I know what you want to ask. I've had those rings in my pocket for weeks now, waiting for the right time.

[ He smiles sheepishly, glancing away. ]

You could say this was a "right time," of sorts, but not entirely what I had in mind. Forgive me.

[The feed is a little different from what he'd been feeding their two hens. He remembers the logic of how he'd come to adjust it and it was all very reasonable though it was a little odd to remember it even though he hadn't done it yet.

He scatters the feed for the chickens to peck at and had to hide a smile at the way Gu Yun spoils these birds.

Gu Yun guessing his thoughts was a little embarrassing. He didn't mind being reassured but he also knows his thoughts were foolish.

His returning smile then is also a little sheepish.]

I know you wouldn't have said it if you didn't mean it. As long as that's true, it doesn't matter to me whether it is the right time or not.

[Though he was also aware that that wasn't the same for Gu Yun. He always worried about these sorts of things more between the two of them.

When it came to things like that, whether it's the timing of a proposal or even clothing or food, he had very little opinions about them and even fewer standards when it comes to himself.

Which is probably why most days Gu Yun picks out his outfits. It was something he just accepts happens most days and he doesn't mind it, to be honest.]

Is there an exit to these rifts?

[ He shakes his head, walking over to Chang Geng. ]

Not that I've found. I fell into one yesterday. It led to a time in the distant past. The world was...

[ He looks up. The morning sun is shining, and fluffy white clouds drift lazily through clear sky. Birdsong fills the pristine air. Everything seems to glitter. ]

...very different.

[ He hesitates, deliberating whether to explain the planet's devastation, when voices cut him off... ]

[ Gu Yan! Gu Yan, are you ready? Gu Yan!

He looks up. It's a gaggle of Prismal children crowding around the gate. He doesn't have time to wonder who this Gu Yan could be, before the sound of little feet appear behind him. He turns.

Go ahead, my daddies are walking me to school today.

"Gu Yan" is a native Prismal girl, about six years old, with pointed ears and a bushy wolf tail. Did they.... did they adopt her?

Right? Gu Yan looks up at them, reaching up to tug on their respective sleeves. Since you're making me stay at Uncle Chu's tonight. ]

[ Gu Yun, still speechless, looks down at her for a long moment, and then up at Chang Geng. Their eyes are the same. And this is when his memories align. This was magic (he can think of no better word) of the Lunar Scientiae. This girl is blood-related to both of them, like a natural child: her eyes Chang Geng's, her facial structure Gu Yun's.

Hadn't he once daydreamed about wanting a daughter? ]

And how did you learn to be so spoiled?

[ He reaches down to pat her head, while smiling up at Chang Geng. It's almost painful, as if his heart will break from joy. ]

[Knowing how Gu Yun is the sort to only give good news it's not hard to guess that what he saw had been unpleasant.

...the past...could it be during the catastrophe that caused this place to lose its Chroma?

He'd already reached out to take Gu Yun's hand when the chorus of voices started.]

[When the girl steps into view Chang Geng is immediately struck by the resemblance. He had wondered idly what Gu Yun would have looked like as a child....now he had a little idea.

He doesn't immediately recognize the features that resembled his own, so taken he was by observing all the ways she looked like the single most important person in his life.

And then there's another memory, of holding an informational pamphlet in his hands and realizing that...they could have this.

Chang Geng was a practical sort. He preferred to focus on problems that could be solved rather than ones that were impossible.

A child carrying both their bloodlines shouldn't exist. It had taken everything he could just to keep one Gu Yun safe. A blood descendant of both Yuan He Emperor and Emperor Wu...even if he could protect the child what about after? Will they lovingly raise a child only for them to grow up and suffer because of who their parents were?

Besides that, any lingering regret he may have had over the fact that Gu Yun probably would have liked to be a father were easily dispelled because neither of them could have children so there had never been a point in wanting what couldn't be.

But in this place, none of those things were concerns. Stripped of all those things, the only question they had to answer was if they wanted to or not.

And he remembered, sitting at Gu Yun's side as they looked through the pamphlet together, that he wanted to very much.]

He smiled a little helplessly.]

Isn't it because you keep spoiling her?

[And yet he doesn't reprimand her either.]

Did you remember to pack your homework?

[The homework, he recalled, that he'd had to explain to her the night before. Because she asked for help and even though he knew she knew he sat with her anyway. He hadn't quite figured out how to say no to her when she looks so much like Gu Yun. Besides, it doesn't hurt to have something repeated, surely.]

[ Gu Yun chuckles. She is their precious daughter; naturally, he spoils her. Chang Geng spoils her too, by fussing over her. When Gu Yan nods that she does indeed have her homework, Gu Yan reaches down to take her hand. ]

Come on, then. Let's not be late. Oh — speaking of spoiling, don't let Uncle Chu give you so much candy.

[ Throughout his time upon this planet, he's seen people come and go. That the two of them might one day be sent home is something he's accepted; not only that, but if he were called on to make a choice about that, he would absolutely go back. Before, it was simply a matter of leaving behind an idyllic life, free from war and court politics. But supposing this timeline is illusory, and they must in the end return back to present-day Prismatica, and from there one day go home...

He squeezes Gu Yan's hand gently. This is the potential future they'll be leaving behind. He feels a painful knot forming in his chest. But for her sake and for Chang Geng's, he smiles through it. ]

[He takes her other hand and simultaneously he's struck by the thought that it was so little which contrasted with the thought of how much bigger she's gotten compared to the memory of her tiny hands when she was still an infant.

He always gives her too much candy. Because the man in question had no concept of too many sweets.

Still, over time Chang Geng has realized the best solution was simply to send Gu Yan with food. At least, Uncle Chu would make sure she ate everything.

But he can't bring himself to complain about it right now. Because for all that Gu Yun wanted to spare him, Chang Geng himself was more than aware of the situation.

Whether or not this was what the future was going to entail didn't matter. If they had been given a chance to return they would take it. If Gu Yan had already been born Chang Geng would have brought her with them no matter how much trouble it might cause him or how hard he'd have to work to keep her safe and hidden.

But if they return to the time they'd come from, where she was not yet born and leaving would mean she never would be...he would give up on this future to return.

It wasn't fair and it was painful but his smile doesn't show a fraction of that (or how he wondered if his mother had felt anything like this when she died, leaving him behind...the answer was probably no and yet he couldn't help but wonder, if only for a second...)]

Yan-er is a good child.

[It would normally be a reminder to not eat too many sweets. Sometimes it might even be just praise. They were not words he said often because he (remembers) has read parenting books and it was more important to praise the effort than praise the child.

Today, it's a soft and sincere apology. I'm sorry I can't choose you. It's nothing you did wrong..]

Tomorrow I will make your favourites for dinner.

[ The school is nearby, only a few blocks away; he wishes it were farther. Every moment holding Gu Yan's small hand seems too short. She basks in the attention, chattering happily about the chickens and the frog pond and her friends and an insect she'd found yesterday and whether robots have feelings, leaping from topic to topic with no proper beginning or end—just like one of her fathers.

At the school gate she hugs them both and begs for kisses and runs to catch up with the gaggle of friends she'd told to go ahead.

He watches her go. Once she turns away from them and hurries into the schoolhouse, his expression becomes complicated. Softly, he exhales, turning to Chang Geng: ]

This kind of future, I wouldn't mind it.

[ He chooses his words carefully. Not that he would stretch out his hand for it, but that he could accept it, if staying here is what fate holds for him.

If it doesn't, he will accept that, too. ]

[He considers telling her to stay. Surely taking a day off school wouldn't be so terrible.

And yet, he knew that would be thr wrong choice so he let her go with a quick kiss to her forehead and after tucking her hair behind her ear.

His own expression doesn't change much but his eyes linger where he last saw her as if trying to commit her to memory.

Finally he let out a soft breath, not quite a sigh but reminiscent of one.]

It would be easy yo be comfortable in a life like this

[and yet, like Gu Yun he wouldn't stay if given the choice.

Yet to say he wouldn't reach for any of it and try to grab hold of it...

He focused on some of those memories, trying to bring the past of this world to the forefrontof his mind and he thought, between the two of them he had always been the greedier one.

Still he decides to keep his thoughts to himself for the moment, just in case everything in this dimension was merely nonsense.

He took Gu Yun's hand.]

You would make a good father.

[ Not only watching Gu Yan, he also watches Chang Geng with her. He'd been treated with such cruelty as a child; and yet, he has so much love and kindness to give his own daughter. Truly it is something heartshaking to watch. Even if he wouldn't grasp such a future for himself, how could he fail to do so for Chang Geng?

...

If only things were that simple. If he had to worry only about the happiness of his lover—no, his husband—how simple life would be. ]

[ He squeezes Chang Geng's hand in return, and pulls a face. ]

You, of all people, telling me that.

[ That person who insists on calling him "yifu" in bed, how shameless! ]

[ Before he can keep teasing, everything changes again: that feeling of being as large as the sky and compressed to a tiny point, inside out and upside down, backwards and forwards. It's a moment that lasts an eternity and also a fraction of a second.

At the end of it all, they're back in their bedroom, in the present.

Gu Yun had arrived before dawn; now the sun is in the sky, its rays streaming through the curtains. He looks up. Thankfully Chang Geng is still holding his hand. ]

...we're back.

[ Back to the present. Back with each other. He's overjoyed and relieved.

And yet, somehow, there's a hole in his heart gaping wide. He is missing something—someone—he never knew existed before. ]

[At least, he has the decency to look a little chastened though he refused to take back what he said.

Gu Yun would make a good father...it's just that he himself was a little strange.

He didn't have a chance to make his case (or rather to just act spoiled and sticky) When the world shifts again he pressed closer, as if worried that this time they might get separated. It's a little dizzying to find the world shifting like that, no less strange for not being his first experience with this phenomenon.]

...it seems so.

[He looked over at Gu Yun and in his heart, felt deeply irritated at this place. This was supposed to be a joyous day and now it's...not quite ruined but there's a cloud hanging over what was originally a perfect moment, a reminder of a happiness they could have but may have to actively choose to give up.

He doesn't regret knowing but...the world truly was unfair.

He reached up to cup Gu Yun's cheek with his free hand then he leaned in to kiss Gu Yun sweetly.]

[ Now that they are back in the present time, the memories of a life once lived are already beginning to fade. With every moment, he loses the little random details that he could once recall vividly: where he and Chang Geng celebrated their first wedding anniversary, the day Gu Yan's dragon egg hatched, where in the house Gu Yan took her first steps...

What's left behind is the memory of a deep love.

Losing people he's loved, he's used to it. That doesn't make his heart hurt any less.

And then Chang Geng's hand is touching his cheek, and he knows he is being too greedy. He kisses back, and—overwhelmed with gratitude—draws Chang Geng into his arms. Chroma surges into his body, and with it a strange sensation of unfairness and irritation, unhappiness that a perfect day had been ruined.

These are feelings that seem alien to him. But before he can puzzle it out, he can sense a certain unpleasantly familiar pull, and breaks the kiss, panting softly.

Then, still holding onto Chang Geng with one arm, he reaches down to lift the device he'd left by the bed. He knows what he has to do. ]

We have a few minutes before that rift will try to seize us again. Help me.

[ With a steady grip, he points it at the rift. And then he turns to kiss Chang Geng once more, this time deeply, to generate more chroma. ]

[A part of him is reluctant...which surprises him a little.

And yet, it's nothing more than a fleeting feeling, there and gone in the blink of an eye before he's reaching out to cover Gu Yun's hand that was holding the device, a gesture of support but also to show that this was doing to be something both of them do together.]

Of course.

[Anything you ask.

He didn't drag Gu Yun closer, not wanting to affect his aim but he moved closer so they were pressed close and returned that kiss. He kissed the way he knew Gu Yun liked best: sweet and lingering, without teeth in consideration for...everything else unpleasant they had to deal with while his free hand settles on the small of his back.]

[ Usually he closes his eyes when Chang Geng kisses him, letting himself relax into the delight of loving and being loved. A life lived on the battlefield means that he takes pleasures when he can, fully. This time, however, he has to keep his eyes open, to maintain his aim.

Chang Geng reaching up to help him with this, it is a great comfort, as much comfort as it is to be kissed so tenderly and so sweetly. Through the rings, he can sense Chang Geng's loyalty and love, and determination to help him, no matter what he needs.

Thus he is able to remain steady, letting the vast chroma they are generating pass through to the device, as he seals away that idyllic future: ten years of memories together with Chang Geng, and six with their daughter.

When the rift finally shuts, his device makes a soft beeping sound. He drops it, using his arm instead to embrace Chang Geng, to pull him close. I'm sorry, he thinks to himself. For letting you see such a world, and not being able to give it to you.

After a while, his wrist device vibrates. He breaks out of the kiss to glance down at it. ]

Oh. That was the last one. All of the rifts are closed, now.

[ He says this in a matter-of-fact tone, but as he sits on the bed next to Chang Geng, his expression is lost. Try as he might, he can't seal away his grief. ]

[When Chang Geng hears that thought he was surprised but also suspected this was probably something to do with the rings as moonlacing had begun to be...odd since putting them on.

Still, that was hardly the most important thing right now.]

That's good.

[He reached out to take hold of Gu Yun's arm and gently moved to lay them both back on the bed.

It's daytime, but he feels they've both earned a chance to relax properly.]

I love you. [Three simple words and yet they meant everything. And, if he's right about his guess then there's no need to further elaborate since he's taken Gu Yun's hand in his, how Gu Yun was his entire world and he already felt this was more happiness than he should be allowed to hold.]

[ As Chang Geng coaxes him to lie down, he doesn't resist, letting his body relax as Chang Geng takes his hand.

It was a dream, he tells himself. No more than a dream, fragmented and illusory.

Before experiencing this beautiful dream, hadn't he been trapped in a different world, a terrible past where he'd suffered alone? Being here with Chang Geng, being able to tie their lives together with these rings, isn't that more than he ever expected in this life?

The few things he still remembers about Gu Yan he'll keep close to his heart, as a treasured memory.

And then Chang Geng utters those words, and it's as if he's been wrapped up in a thick blanket: glowing warmth suffuses his body, from his head to his toes. He looks up and smiles. ]

My darling. I love you, too.

[ He lifts his hand, settling it on Chang Geng's hip, massaging it slowly, in lazy circles. ]

Naturally, however, a man's actions are more important than his words.

[ His smile, at first sweet, takes on a different look. ]

[He actually hadn't been thinking that when he lay them both down, but that touch and that smile...

He's a healthy young man madly in love. How could he possibly say no to such an invitation?

He swallows, his cheeks slightly pinked.

But still, he brings Gu Yun's hand up, pressing kisses to the knuckles.]

Of course. [He whispers, private and reverent before he moves to straddle Gu Yun.] Let me thoroughly demonstrate how much I adore you.

[He says it so earnestly as if he hadn't already demonstrated this a hundred times over at this point.]

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