kiss_it_better

[ The school is nearby, only a few blocks away; he wishes it were farther. Every moment holding Gu Yan's small hand seems too short. She basks in the attention, chattering happily about the chickens and the frog pond and her friends and an insect she'd found yesterday and whether robots have feelings, leaping from topic to topic with no proper beginning or end—just like one of her fathers.

At the school gate she hugs them both and begs for kisses and runs to catch up with the gaggle of friends she'd told to go ahead.

He watches her go. Once she turns away from them and hurries into the schoolhouse, his expression becomes complicated. Softly, he exhales, turning to Chang Geng: ]

This kind of future, I wouldn't mind it.

[ He chooses his words carefully. Not that he would stretch out his hand for it, but that he could accept it, if staying here is what fate holds for him.

If it doesn't, he will accept that, too. ]

[He considers telling her to stay. Surely taking a day off school wouldn't be so terrible.

And yet, he knew that would be thr wrong choice so he let her go with a quick kiss to her forehead and after tucking her hair behind her ear.

His own expression doesn't change much but his eyes linger where he last saw her as if trying to commit her to memory.

Finally he let out a soft breath, not quite a sigh but reminiscent of one.]

It would be easy yo be comfortable in a life like this

[and yet, like Gu Yun he wouldn't stay if given the choice.

Yet to say he wouldn't reach for any of it and try to grab hold of it...

He focused on some of those memories, trying to bring the past of this world to the forefrontof his mind and he thought, between the two of them he had always been the greedier one.

Still he decides to keep his thoughts to himself for the moment, just in case everything in this dimension was merely nonsense.

He took Gu Yun's hand.]

You would make a good father.

[ Not only watching Gu Yan, he also watches Chang Geng with her. He'd been treated with such cruelty as a child; and yet, he has so much love and kindness to give his own daughter. Truly it is something heartshaking to watch. Even if he wouldn't grasp such a future for himself, how could he fail to do so for Chang Geng?

...

If only things were that simple. If he had to worry only about the happiness of his lover—no, his husband—how simple life would be. ]

[ He squeezes Chang Geng's hand in return, and pulls a face. ]

You, of all people, telling me that.

[ That person who insists on calling him "yifu" in bed, how shameless! ]

[ Before he can keep teasing, everything changes again: that feeling of being as large as the sky and compressed to a tiny point, inside out and upside down, backwards and forwards. It's a moment that lasts an eternity and also a fraction of a second.

At the end of it all, they're back in their bedroom, in the present.

Gu Yun had arrived before dawn; now the sun is in the sky, its rays streaming through the curtains. He looks up. Thankfully Chang Geng is still holding his hand. ]

...we're back.

[ Back to the present. Back with each other. He's overjoyed and relieved.

And yet, somehow, there's a hole in his heart gaping wide. He is missing something—someone—he never knew existed before. ]

[At least, he has the decency to look a little chastened though he refused to take back what he said.

Gu Yun would make a good father...it's just that he himself was a little strange.

He didn't have a chance to make his case (or rather to just act spoiled and sticky) When the world shifts again he pressed closer, as if worried that this time they might get separated. It's a little dizzying to find the world shifting like that, no less strange for not being his first experience with this phenomenon.]

...it seems so.

[He looked over at Gu Yun and in his heart, felt deeply irritated at this place. This was supposed to be a joyous day and now it's...not quite ruined but there's a cloud hanging over what was originally a perfect moment, a reminder of a happiness they could have but may have to actively choose to give up.

He doesn't regret knowing but...the world truly was unfair.

He reached up to cup Gu Yun's cheek with his free hand then he leaned in to kiss Gu Yun sweetly.]

[ Now that they are back in the present time, the memories of a life once lived are already beginning to fade. With every moment, he loses the little random details that he could once recall vividly: where he and Chang Geng celebrated their first wedding anniversary, the day Gu Yan's dragon egg hatched, where in the house Gu Yan took her first steps...

What's left behind is the memory of a deep love.

Losing people he's loved, he's used to it. That doesn't make his heart hurt any less.

And then Chang Geng's hand is touching his cheek, and he knows he is being too greedy. He kisses back, and—overwhelmed with gratitude—draws Chang Geng into his arms. Chroma surges into his body, and with it a strange sensation of unfairness and irritation, unhappiness that a perfect day had been ruined.

These are feelings that seem alien to him. But before he can puzzle it out, he can sense a certain unpleasantly familiar pull, and breaks the kiss, panting softly.

Then, still holding onto Chang Geng with one arm, he reaches down to lift the device he'd left by the bed. He knows what he has to do. ]

We have a few minutes before that rift will try to seize us again. Help me.

[ With a steady grip, he points it at the rift. And then he turns to kiss Chang Geng once more, this time deeply, to generate more chroma. ]

[A part of him is reluctant...which surprises him a little.

And yet, it's nothing more than a fleeting feeling, there and gone in the blink of an eye before he's reaching out to cover Gu Yun's hand that was holding the device, a gesture of support but also to show that this was doing to be something both of them do together.]

Of course.

[Anything you ask.

He didn't drag Gu Yun closer, not wanting to affect his aim but he moved closer so they were pressed close and returned that kiss. He kissed the way he knew Gu Yun liked best: sweet and lingering, without teeth in consideration for...everything else unpleasant they had to deal with while his free hand settles on the small of his back.]

[ Usually he closes his eyes when Chang Geng kisses him, letting himself relax into the delight of loving and being loved. A life lived on the battlefield means that he takes pleasures when he can, fully. This time, however, he has to keep his eyes open, to maintain his aim.

Chang Geng reaching up to help him with this, it is a great comfort, as much comfort as it is to be kissed so tenderly and so sweetly. Through the rings, he can sense Chang Geng's loyalty and love, and determination to help him, no matter what he needs.

Thus he is able to remain steady, letting the vast chroma they are generating pass through to the device, as he seals away that idyllic future: ten years of memories together with Chang Geng, and six with their daughter.

When the rift finally shuts, his device makes a soft beeping sound. He drops it, using his arm instead to embrace Chang Geng, to pull him close. I'm sorry, he thinks to himself. For letting you see such a world, and not being able to give it to you.

After a while, his wrist device vibrates. He breaks out of the kiss to glance down at it. ]

Oh. That was the last one. All of the rifts are closed, now.

[ He says this in a matter-of-fact tone, but as he sits on the bed next to Chang Geng, his expression is lost. Try as he might, he can't seal away his grief. ]

[When Chang Geng hears that thought he was surprised but also suspected this was probably something to do with the rings as moonlacing had begun to be...odd since putting them on.

Still, that was hardly the most important thing right now.]

That's good.

[He reached out to take hold of Gu Yun's arm and gently moved to lay them both back on the bed.

It's daytime, but he feels they've both earned a chance to relax properly.]

I love you. [Three simple words and yet they meant everything. And, if he's right about his guess then there's no need to further elaborate since he's taken Gu Yun's hand in his, how Gu Yun was his entire world and he already felt this was more happiness than he should be allowed to hold.]

[ As Chang Geng coaxes him to lie down, he doesn't resist, letting his body relax as Chang Geng takes his hand.

It was a dream, he tells himself. No more than a dream, fragmented and illusory.

Before experiencing this beautiful dream, hadn't he been trapped in a different world, a terrible past where he'd suffered alone? Being here with Chang Geng, being able to tie their lives together with these rings, isn't that more than he ever expected in this life?

The few things he still remembers about Gu Yan he'll keep close to his heart, as a treasured memory.

And then Chang Geng utters those words, and it's as if he's been wrapped up in a thick blanket: glowing warmth suffuses his body, from his head to his toes. He looks up and smiles. ]

My darling. I love you, too.

[ He lifts his hand, settling it on Chang Geng's hip, massaging it slowly, in lazy circles. ]

Naturally, however, a man's actions are more important than his words.

[ His smile, at first sweet, takes on a different look. ]

[He actually hadn't been thinking that when he lay them both down, but that touch and that smile...

He's a healthy young man madly in love. How could he possibly say no to such an invitation?

He swallows, his cheeks slightly pinked.

But still, he brings Gu Yun's hand up, pressing kisses to the knuckles.]

Of course. [He whispers, private and reverent before he moves to straddle Gu Yun.] Let me thoroughly demonstrate how much I adore you.

[He says it so earnestly as if he hadn't already demonstrated this a hundred times over at this point.]

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