kiss_it_better

[ He never did answer that message, just showing up. But a couple weeks later, one evening just before he starts night duty, he seems to have discovered the camera function on his wrist device. He sends a picture of his own hand; nestled in his palm is a small flower, looking as if someone had painted it with bold strokes of color: red, yellow, and fiery orange. The rays of the setting sun illuminate the scene, making it even more vivid. ]

These grow wild. Forsaking fertile soil, they thrive best in adversity, pushing themselves up between cracks in walls or pavements. Only opening their petals at nightfall, they are named after that brightest evening star, that faithfully follows the sun, rising as it sets.

It’s considered a lucky omen to find one growing near your home.

They’re uncommon flowers, it took me some time to notice them. Now that I have, I find they are peerless in their elegance, their beauty, and their subtle fragrance: this evening star flower.

[In the end, he forgot about the message he'd sent after Gu Yun showed up with Xiao Xingchen. He'd assumed that was the end of that.

So he's surprised to get a reply weeks later...and even more surprised at what it was. He couldn't imagine why it'd be sent like this. Was it a mistake? Did Gu Yun not want to bother inputting his contact? Why send this at all?

But at times like this, there was really no point in asking. It was likely like one of those tangents Gu Yun used to go on after Chang Geng had practised with the iron puppet. Perhaps all this talk about flowers and stars was merely a whim that had taken him all of a sudden. Just a romantic mood that struck him because of the time of day.

Regardless, he quietly saves the picture.]

It is quite lovely. Did you find this one near our home? There are ways to preserve them in this place.

[Are you almost home, is what he really wanted to ask.]

You're in a fine mood, it seems. Did something good happen?

[ He smiles at this reply. But he has to start his night duties now, so he can't be lengthy. Hence: ]

Yes.

[ Why should he need to preserve this bloom, when he has his own "evening star flower," his own Chang Geng flourishing at home? ]

I'll see you in the morning.

[Well. One could hope that their lover would be home early.]

I'll leave some soup for you when you get back.

[He'd recently bought something that would keep food warm for hours. It's a frivolous use of Chroma and yet he didn't really care.

But also, that short answer...it was probably the lack of time but he couldn't help but huff a short laugh, fond but exasperated. 'Yes' to what, exactly? Both things? Or only one?

He looked over the message again before he'd meant to sleep. If Gu Yun couldn't be home at this time then Chang Geng could content himself with reading his words with a soft smile on his face.]

['Chang Geng' was as far from an auspicious name as possible. A star of ill omen. A puppet of that Nan woman, meant to go mad and bring destruction. Even now, the only thing good about his name is the sound of Gu Yun calling it. So he hadn't made that possible connection until he reread the message.

And even then...even then. Could it really mean what he thought it did? If it did, then the entire message took on new meaning.]

[But he couldn't help but think...maybe he was reading too much into it.

He ended up just laying there, reading and re-reading the message over and again. More than once he nearly replied again to ask. But...Gu Yun was busy right now. And the longer he waited, the less he could convince himself to actually ask.

Sleep never held anything good for him: his dreams always filled with nightmares. And yet he did his best to make sure he slept anyway, as fitful as it was. But tonight? There was little chance of him falling asleep as what if drifted about in his mind.]

[At one point, he wrote out:]

~~Did you mean it?~~

[But ultimately didn't send it.

He still hadn't resolved to send it when he decided that sleep was a lost cause and went to go make himself some tea.

And if he found his attention drifting to the clock more than once throughout that, well...there's no witness.]

[ In the very early morning, he comes home as silently as he can, immediately tugging off his armored boots so they wont make any sound. In stockinged feet, he pads into the kitchen, in search of that soup: he's cold and it sounds perfect right about now.

....

He's startled to find Chang Geng sitting there. ]

Chang Geng?

[ Gu Yun says it in a voice barely above a whisper, in case the kid has fallen asleep sitting up. ]

[He was lost in thought so he might not have noticed even if Gu Yun hadn't been so quiet about stepping inside.

Still, his reaction to being surprised isn't very overt. He simply looks up slowly, even though he could feel his heart hammering in his chest.

He felt embarrassed all of a sudden, like he'd been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to be.]

...I couldn't get back to sleep.

[Which implies that he had slept at some point even though it was a complete lie.

But he was also...looking at you. Like there's a question he wants to ask but doesn't quite know how.]

[ He can certainly see traces of sleeplessness on Chang Geng's face, combined with that odd expression: Gu Yun doesn't know what to think. ]

What's the matter? Missing me so much you can't sleep?

[ With a teasing smile, he stretches out a hand to rub Chang Geng's head. And when he draws his hand away, something drops on the table, right in front of the kid: a thin, twisting green vine with a spray of small flowers attached. They're the "evening star flowers," with a fragrance so subtle that probably only Gu Yun's nose is able to appreciate. ]

[When he's teased and his head patted...he couldn't help but lean into the touch and feel that whatever question he had didn't matter. As long as they had this, wasn't it enough?

But then, the flower falls out of his sleeve and, as he reaches out to pick up it up, he's reminded all at once of the thoughts chasing themselves around his mind.]

...Qi Ming in the east, Chang Geng in the west. It raised at dusk, the warden of carnage. Born to be a disastrous monster, there is no name more fitting than this.

[His voice is still mild but also sounded a little distant as he quoted the words of a woman long dead. He let the vine turn between his fingers. When he finally looked up, there was some attempt at bravery, at pretending like his world didn't hinge on the answer he'd get.]

Zi Xi, do you really think these evening star flowers can mean something good?

[Because if he did, then Chang Geng could maybe believe it too.]

[ He certainly knows that Chang Geng's name is ill-omened, it's something that occurred to him the first time he heard it. Back then, he'd attributed it to some strange fancy of the Man woman, or perhaps that the Northern tribes had different superstitions regarding the stars. But knowing what he knows now, of course that name was intended to torment the boy, like everything she did to him. And yet, after so many years of calling "Chang Geng," how can he possibly switch to "Li Min"? He might as well call him "your royal Highness."

This question, Chang Geng's sleeplessness: he'd hoped to send the boy a sweet message, but it seems he only opened old wounds. He sits down at the table, and is silent for a moment before answering: ]

In the Northwest, the golden sand stretches to the horizon on all sides; the sky overhead is endless and vast. There's a peculiar clarity to the air. At night, the thousands upon thousands of stars sparkle so brightly that they cast a shadow. They rise and fall, moving inexorably through their paths, and I always thought, back then, that it made no sense to try to foretell what will happen on earth according to the stars. They are constant and predictable, but human affairs are always changing.

[ A little pause. He smiles. ]

Now of course, we know about stars and planets and moons. There's nothing disastrous or monstrous about any of them.

[ He plucks the vine full of flowers from Chang Geng's fingers and holds it up, pretending to look at it; but at the angle he's holding it, he is really looking past it, at Chang Geng's face. ]

This "evening star flower" is of course lovely to behold, a treat to all senses, and admirable besides in its tenacity. Naturally it's something good.

[ His gaze softens. On his lips are words he can't say: during those years we were separated, every night I looked for "Chang Geng" in the evening sky. ]

[He wouldn't want him to stop calling Chang Geng. In a lot of ways, it still felt like the name that truly belonged to him. And Gu Yun was the only one who made the name feel less like a burden, less like a curse. The way he called his name was the same as his presence in his life before that fateful day, before the truth came out: it was the one good thing in an entire situation that seemed awful and dim.

So he listened, hanging onto every word. His fingers twitch where he's holding the flower at that smile and he knew, if he were anyone else, if he could have afforded to, he might have teared up.

His fingers are lax when the flower is taken from him, offering no resistance as he meets Gu Yun's gaze.

That message had torn open an old wound, but it was one that had been festering for years.

He couldn't help but reach out, trying to take Gu Yun's hand, to thread their fingers together and ground himself, to remind himself that this was real, that it wasn't a dream on the cusp of warping into a nightmare.]

If you believe that...then so do I.

[Whatever Gu Yun says he should or could be...Chang Geng will do it.

[ He squeezes Chang Geng's hand back, warmly. Then he sets the flower vine down, across their laced fingers, and reaches to pat Chang Geng's head. ]

That's good.

[ He sits like that for a while, basking in the warmth of the moment, and the moonlacing. This business with Chang Geng's name, it has weighed on his mind since finding out about what his adopted mother had done to him. When he'd heard about the "evening star flower," he'd seen this as a chance to say what he really felt about all that.

He's never been one for superstition, especially prophecy. Hadn't he himself suffered, due to a bald donkey's worthless pronouncement about his luck? His fiancée died back then. If that was his fault, then it was because certain elements in the court didn't want Emperor Wu's grandson to have the backing of a wife's powerful family. He doesn't have to think too hard who those "elements" might have been.

As for luck, there is an element of chance in all things, but generally things happen for a reason. In battle, he never trusted to luck or fate; he trusted his own planning, preparation, foresight, and cunning. ]

There are still a few hours until sunrise. Come to bed, and we'll sleep for a while.

[Honestly, sleep sounded like a chore. But he also knew, as fitfully as he slept, it was better than not sleeping at all.

Besides, he always slept a little better with Gu Yun there.]

The soup. [He lets go with great reluctance, pausing briefly to watch the flower fall to the table before he moved to where they kept the bowls.] You'll sleep better with something warm in your stomach.

[ He's torn. He does want the soup, but it seems more important right now to take care of Chang Geng and see that he gets some sleep. On the other hand, he's well aware that Chang Geng derives comfort in fussing over him.

... ]

All right. Just one bowl. Not too much, or I won't sleep.

[ While Chang Geng putters about, he twists the vine between his fingertips. ]

Mn.

[A vague sound of agreement as he picks out an appropriately sized bowl and ladels some soup into it. He's had to experiment with new ingredients, but with some research and a lot of trial and error he'd found some recipes that were nutritious and delicious.

It helped that he knew Gu Yun's tastes very well.

He leaves the bowl on the table with a spoon.]

Don't let it get cold.

[It was, of course, letting off some steam but he'd also had the machine keep it at that perfect temperature where it was hot but not scalding.]

[ He spoons up some of the steaming soup. "Nutritious" means "loaded with vegetables," and he sighs inwardly. But after everything, he doesn't have the heart to complain, and swallows it down.

......

Strange, it doesn't taste too bad. Or maybe he's getting used to vegetables. Either way, it doesn't take long before the bowl is finished. He sets the bowl aside and stands, reaching up to pat Chang Geng's shoulder. ]

Come on now, let's go to bed. Use my arm as a pillow, perhaps you'll sleep better.

[He actually meant to wash the bowl first and yet...the invitation is very inviting.

Not because Chang Geng would sleep well, but he always did sleep better with Gu Yun there and even if not, would he ever give up on the chance to rest in his arms?

Still, he looks back at the bowl first because...he likes things being clean.

...maybe he can come out later, after Gu Yun had fallen asleep, maybe.]

Mm. It's late.

[He just moves the bowl to the sink to be dealt with later. But he pauses again, looking at the flower on the table.]

We should put that in some water.

[Or press it in a book, maybe...?]

Still on about preserving it?

[ He pulls Chang Geng away from his sink puttering to press a kiss against his cheek. What's the boy going to do, clean the kitchen all night? He'll unleash a few more sweet words to distract him from that endeavor. ]

That evening star flower was enough to keep me company when I was alone, but surely it pales in comparison to the real thing.

[The kiss is enough to distract him for a moment. He assumes that was it...

...but then he says that and there was no hope of focusing on anything except Gu Yun after that.

He stares, red colour suffusing his cheeks.]

Zi Xi, you...

[He's speechless. It's a little embarrassing how often Gu Yun leaves him that way.]

[ He lifts his cold hands, to cup Chang Geng's flaming cheeks. The warmth feels nice. He leans in, to press a kiss against his "evening flower's" lips.

In a low whisper, he coaxes: ]

I've asked you twice to bed already, will you make me ask a third time?

[ It's cute to see Chang Geng blush and stammer like this, but also a little sad, he thinks. The boy really ought to have a better opinion of himself. ]

[The cold touch on his cheek makes him frown. Not because of the touch itself but how cold Gu Yun is.

But in the end, he does smile.]

Who would dare ask the Marquis of Order to ask for anything a third time?

[Certainly not him. He pulls one of Gu Yun's hand's from his cheek to lace their fingers together. He presses a kiss to the knuckles.]

I will, of course, obey my general and go back to bed.

Hm! Are you my little soldier now?

[ The moonlacing effect shoots through his hand as Chang Geng kisses it, warming it further. His eyes lid, as he uses their joined hands to pull the boy along to the bedroom. It's most likely they won't be getting that much sleep for the moment. ]

Keep guard over me, then, for the rest of the night.

Sounds good!

kiss_it_better - 2020-03-13 01:42 (UTC) - Expand

INBOX

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/?

2/3

3/5

4/5

5/5

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

ftb here?

Sounds good!